I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
