I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Randomize
