she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
