you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
