Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
