I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You made out with two different species that night
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
