Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
