I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
