Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize