I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
