don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
