Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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