dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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