I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
