New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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