Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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