dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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