i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
