While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
