It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
