As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
