I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
