He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize