Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
