No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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