Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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