so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
