planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
