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Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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