dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
