The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
