so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
