Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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