His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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