my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
