i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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