Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
