his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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