Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
