Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I want a musical about memes.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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