Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
