Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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