He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
