hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize