forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just pee around me
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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