her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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