It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize