The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
