margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm jealous of your bromance
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
