I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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