let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize