i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
