everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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