Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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