Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
