Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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