I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
