Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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