Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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