I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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