Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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