you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
