cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
