they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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