This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
