She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
