What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
