Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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