Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
