I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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