I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
