I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
BRING THE BAGELS
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
