just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
