what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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