I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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