im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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